2017

Your heart starts to race, you feel the heat burning inside you.
You feel it building up, but there's nothing you can do to stop it.
You feel the panic rising, you can not focus.
You feel like your floating in a bubble and people's talk sounds like echoing words around you.
You want to escape, but you can't; you're frozen in the moment. In the moment, where it feels like time has stopped, the clouds are no longer moving and everything around you has vanished.
You want to conquer the situation, but all the pieces of logic and sense have flown away, all you got left is panic!
The panic that fills every cell of you.
The panic that suffocates you.
The panic that is almost invisible to others, but very real and alive inside you.


Let me present to you a new visitor who came uninvited, an enemy I desperately wanted to get rid of: A panic attack.

Two simple words which carry so much power. That power is paralyzing and it can turn up against you, eat you alive and ruin you...
..or you can turn it around and have that power on your side. I'm not saying it's easy, because it definitely isn't, but it is possible.
And I do believe we have more power inside us than we can even imagine.

I think the first mistake I made was focusing too much on the label that said panic attacks. I put all my energy to fight against something which I knew nothing about.
On every fight it's said that you need to know your enemy. I only knew it's name.

But the name panic attack is just a symptom and you can not fight the symptom, even though some medicines can eliminate it for awhile, but they won't eliminate the cause.
And if the cause is not eliminated, the symptom will come back.
As we often do, we see the symptoms as our enemys, but in fact they're our allies. They're our bodies way of giving leads to a problem that lies underneath. They're like messages which we definitely shouldn't ignore they're our way to inside.

When you see that, you stop fighting against the symptom, accept it and then you can start to look what's really inside of it. We all have a life that is completely unique, there is no other exactly the same. All our experiencies, big or small, shape us what we are today.
We also see the world around us through our experiences and that is why everything we see is only a reflection of our own mind.

I guess I could say that most of my year 2017, went by exploring my mind and especially subconscious mind, which can really feel like a maze from time to time. The subconscious mind is filled with believes, positive and negative ones. And the negative ones create walls in our lives, which stop us from going where we want to go. Breaking those walls can be very liberation and through that makes the whole journey worth it. And after it I can say I'm more tuned with my mind, aware of my feelings and feeling altogether balanced with all little aspects of me (or mostly at least, since I don't think you are ever "ready")

As a child we've all had a "why" phase. The phase when we want to learn and we do it by asking the question "why" about everything. We use the word so much it can feel like it's worn out, but that is how we've learnt a lot of the things we know now. When we grow up, we at some point stop asking. We settle for what is and start assuming and thinking; I guess that's just how it is.. But I think the "why" is IN again. There's a reason why kids use it; it is the best way to learn and it's the best question to ask from yourself when figuring out WHY we do the things we do, WHY we react to situations in a certain way, why..

We're living in a world that's some what perfectionist. In a world where we get jugged easily. And in a world where a struggle with something is seen as weakness. So we feel the need to hide our weaknesses, to cover our mistakes and to put a mask on to distract others and even ourselves. To make us look perfect. But it is behind those weaknesses where our true strength lies.

As I said, we're all unique.
Let's appreciate our uniqueness and understand each other.
Let's get to know ourselves and let's start asking why...

2017 is a year I'm truly grateful I had it and at the same time very happy it has ended now!

For 2018 I'm planning some great adventures, which I'll tell more about later.

Now I'll just enjoy awesome Levi with awesome people and for now I can say life seems altogether quite awesome ❤